When You Divorce Me Carry Me Out in Your Arms

I read an article that really touched my heart. Actually, it brought me to tears and left a lump in my throat. I hope that as everyone reads this, he or she will share it to a couple who is in the brink of divorce or separation and that in a way, this article will somehow make a difference.



On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom. This was the scene ten years ago.

The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid; I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affection between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school. Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes. Dew came into my life.

It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her. Dew said, you are the kind of man who best draws girls' eyeballs. Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we were just married, my wife said, Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls. Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn't help doing so. I moved Dew's hands aside and said you go to select some furniture, O.K.? I've got something to do in the company. Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised to do it together with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me. However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt. Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy
preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew's body. This was the means of my entertainment.

One day I said to her in a slightly joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn't imagine how she would
react once she got to know I was serious. When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking to her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes. Once again,
Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.

When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I've got something to tell you, I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the serious topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I'm serious. I avoided her
question. This so-called answer made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew. With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.

Late that night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fall asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again. She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month s time before divorce, and in the month's time we must live as normal a life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn't want him to see our marriage was broken. She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day? This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, I remember. You carried me in your arms, she continued, so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning. I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage romantically. I told Dew about my
wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared lumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding
mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, Let us start from today, don't tell our son. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait
for a bus, I drove to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me, the outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms.The visualization of Dew became vague.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn't tell Dew about this. I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, It seems not difficult to carry you now. She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head. Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it's time to carry mum out. He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the
bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, actually hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old. I held her tightly and said, both you and I didn't notice that our life lacked intimacy.

I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm serious. She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. You got no fever. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you. Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove to the office.

When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until we are old.

The Certainty of His Promise

Another verse has touched me this morning as I was reading my Bible. "And thus, having patiently waited, he obtained the promise." These are the words in Hebrews 6:15. The author is talking about Abraham, who is known for his faith. We know his story, right? He used to be named Abram but after having an encounter with God, he was named, Abraham, which means, "the father of many nations". As we all know, it took many, many years before God's promise to him came to pass. But since Abraham knew whom he believed, that the God whom he trusted "gives life to the dead and calls into being that which does not exist", he just believed that God would do it. And He certainly did!

Right now, I'm in the middle of this situation wherein I just have to take God for His word, just like what good old Abe did. Sometimes, I just want to give up but then His words keep ringing on my head, "He is faithful." There's a certainty to His promise. He's not like the seasoned politicians that we have right now (by the way, the election day is fast approaching, and this is the time of the year where we hear nothing but promises) who just keep on blabbing words that cannot be trusted. He doesn't blabber! He spoke His word and He is faithful to do it! He will always keep what He said, no matter what!

When I read this part, I tell you I am really refreshed. I am assured in my heart that God still cares and He will do what He promised me... in His time.

He Saw You

I read an article which I believe will warm our hearts. I've copied it below. Read and ponder on it.

Once, before the foundation of the world, Jesus and His Father had a conversation about the great plan of redemption. That conversation included you. Jesus looked down the corridors of time and knew that you would be born. He saw your needs when He said to His Father, "I will go." At the Father's appointed time, Jesus came to earth so that you would never need to be far from Him. What an incredible journey He made; what an overwhelming expression of love He made; what an awesome purpose He had in mind. You were on His heart. When He left His home in heaven, He saw you; when He became a man on earth, He was seeking you; when He stretched out His hands upon the cross, He was reaching out to you; when He returned to His Father, He was preparing a place for you. You are the sheep He has come to shepherd, to guide, to feed, to protect, to shelter and to carry. You are the one He calls His own.

- Roy Lessin

Isn't it nice to reflect on these words? May the true meaning of the Lenten season be realized by each one of us and thus usher us to have a grateful heart to the One who loves us.

Perfect Through Suffering

In one of my daily quiet times, there was this verse that really caught my attention. It is found in Hebrews 2:10, "In bringing many sons to glory, it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the author of their salvation perfect through suffering."

It suddenly occurred to me that something must really undergo testings and trials before it could be called "perfect". Then I thought of my life. During the formative and growing up years of my life, I could say that my family had really tried their best to protect and shelter me from all kinds of pain and suffering. They did that so that I would not have none of these so-called struggles in life. I felt so blessed and loved. Yes, I grew up too dependent on family but because the Lord was (and still is) my Guide, I didn't grow up too soft. I mean, I also have a "strong" side.

Then one day, my family have to leave and I was left alone here in the Philippines. I realized that things are not that easy now. I learned to live on my own. I have to think what food to prepare and how to get food myself. Unlike of course when my Mamu was here, everything was provided for. Then, slowly, I begin to feel the "struggles in life".

It is not really easy. It is not a piece of cake nor a walk in the park. It is a lesson that I always learn everyday of my life. I am on that point of asking God why He is allowing these things to happen. Because I really don't know. I'm at my wit's end. Honestly, I don't know what to do. Then this verse spoke to my heart. Even the Author of our salvation had undergone suffering for Him to be "perfected". He experienced the most inhumane life's struggles, yet He didn't open His mouth. And after everything was said and done, "It is finished!", He is now reigning in heaven and everything is under His feet; no more struggles but just reaping the fruit of His suffering here on earth, that is, the salvation of mankind!

I may be experiencing difficulties in life now. I may not know God's divine reason for this. I may find Him to silent to answer my questions.But there's an assurance in His word- He just wants me to be perfect through suffering. One song that really touches me and reminds me of God's nature is this: "God is too wise to be mistaken. God is too good to be unkind. So when you don't understand, when you can't see His plans, when you can't reach His hands, trust His heart." That's what I will do today.